When the going gets tough…do the tough really get going?

Not alone xx

When things get tough, I tend to get very fussy or i like everything to be clean and in order (i remember once i finished school and had no idea what i was going to do with myself i was extremely restless and i spent the entire night taking apart the family pantry, washing down every shelf and placing all the products back…in alphabetical order! thats how restless and fussy i can get), but sometimes there isn’t anything that i can do but feel as though i am falling, screaming into a black endless pit. is there a bottom? there always is. but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like there is and its times like these when i need to have my loverly de-briefing session with T (who i always think of as my adopted mother, she treats me like her child and is always straight forward with me, making me see things that perhaps i cant in the darkness…the beauty of friends).

The one thing that I have been doing since before I could remember is writing. I have always been creating stories with intertwining plots and characters that are so different from each other that they have to be together, and I know for a fact that this form of creation is what takes me away from the horrors of everyday life, it makes me forget about the darkness and transports me into their world, a world where anything is possible and the only thing that limits it is my imagination.  I have wanted to be a published author for a while now, i guess it was since i won my high schools creative writing competition when i was in year nine, I finished my first ever novel by the end of year twelve and have almost finished my next one. i guess I am scared to try and publish them, because I am defiantly one of those people who over think everything and worry about what people will say or think. I cant even try hard jumps and spins at the ice rink in the horror that i might fall over and someone will laugh for gods sake. But thats a completely different situation, a fall is easily forgotten, five minuets later and everyone will have already moved on and forgotten, whereas a novel is permanent, its always there.  At the moment I cant help but feel restless and the falling feeling has been with me since three today, I thought that i had this year all planned out and ready to go, final year at RMIT and then off to do somthing more exciting with my life, perhaps that is still in melbourne but maybe its on the other side of the world. But a rather large spanner has been thrown into the works and my year has come to a screaming halt. After spending the last three years at the GORDON in Geelong getting my Advanced Diploma in Applied Fashion Design and Technology I was led to beleive that i could just go straight into finaly year at RMIT (being told by my teachers and the high school carrers officer!) but today i find out that the last three years only add up to one whole year of the course and now i have to spend the next three years in school again…

To be honest i dont think that i can make it through another three years of assessments and being stuck in the same place with the same people, I mean I want my Bachelor but is it really worth all this?


7 thoughts on “When the going gets tough…do the tough really get going?

  1. We went to school toghther, quite closely I might add. I have seen your efforts up close – even worn your work! Keep on going because only the sky is up from here, and we all know the sky knows no boundaries. See if you can guess who I am.
    I know you can do it.

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